Cringeworthy Fanfiction

[livvykitty]

The authoress has decided to allow you to be Jaspers. Even though you died twice, you don't care because you are a house cat and give no fucks. You didn't feel like doing anything because as a cat, you are not obligated to. Your only duty is to sit there and be therapedic for your master.

As a cat, you decided to lick your paw, looking around for something interesting. But you are a cat; therefore, unless it's dangling or moving, you don't give a shit.

You saw your master. The scent of that annoying glowy scratching post was all over her. For some reason, that thing annoys you. No, you do not recognize Rose's mate as a person. You could smell the scent of animalistic urges all over it. Perhaps this is why you want to claw her eyes out.

You then decided to sleep, because you are a cat. Cats can sleep where they damn well please.

That's it that's the best writing my past self has ever done. It's perfect. Go home everyone I'm done

[livvykitty]

You really have no clue what the hell past you was on to create those things. Seriously, what are they? Past Livvykitty, what the fuck?

A small voice, faint and sounding like a dorky eleven year old innocently answers, I was on sugar! And I'm a good writer; future me is just a cranky old woman. Don't be a hater! Haha, LOL! XDXDXD

You really, really, really fucking hate past you right now. You were such a little shit. I mean, seriously.

This is the most meta shit I've ever seen.

This is taken from a story I wrote when I was 13, and I can now say, as the cranky old future version of these shits, that my pasty selves were all little shits. All of them. The eleven year old saying she's on sugar and having random outbursts, the thirteen year old who, in the story, is being kept in a cage while a narrator takes over her story, all are shits

Is this how Karkat felt holy fuck

[veronica ☀]

*rolls up sleeves* where do i begin

so i used to have a quotev account, where i wrote lots of pretentious fanfiction with a writing style that sounded like john green got drunk and took a shit on a piece of paper

some of the worst fics include a nepkat fic that i couldn't continue reading because..............

 Karkat was tired of chasing.
        He was convinced that he was in love with Nepeta Leijon, but she clearly was not in love with him. She was gorgeous, funny, talented, and friendly. She was both the girl of Karkat's dreams, and his total opposite. Karkat's life was a mess. One minute he's tripping over himself in love, next he's smashing lamps as his best friend taught him to do when he's suffering a sudden wave of anger. Sollux Captor was probably the most helpful after Karkat was diagnosed with bipolar disease. The yellow-blood was still an asshole nonetheless, but he still helped. 
        But it did not matter.
        It did not matter whether Karkat was some pansy nice-guy or a loud-mouth blubbering fool. Either way, Nepeta did not love him. Since he'd met her, Karkat had been horns-over-heels in love, whether expressing it angrily or silently. Maybe he'd scared her away. Even though he'd known her for as long as he could remember.
        "Do you think she hates me?" Karkat asked for the millionth time to his best friend, Sollux. He got the same response of "Th'ut the fuck up, KK. How am I th'upposed to know?".

and that's where i stopped reading bc i fucking wrote out sollux's lisp


then there's the time i wrote a "how to roleplay homestuck characters" thing. which is. Bad. for example, here's karkat:

LET'S GET ONE THING STRAIGHT BEFORE I BEGIN KARKAT'S HOW TO.
KARKAT IS NOT ALL "FUCK FUCK FUCK I AM AN INCONSIDERATE PRICK BLUH BLUH"
Are you kidding me? Read the comic and come back  to me. Then tell me if he still talks like that.

Okay, so;

Karkat is very complicated because of the many headcanons people have for him. They make him very depressed and sensitive and easily blushing.
No.
If you actually READ his Pesterlogs, you would know that he is not as sweet and cute as you think.
He's not a total douche either.
He doesn't say "I HATE YOU ALL FUCK DON'T TALK TO ME FUCK OR I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU"
Like, hunny no.
He has emotions aside from utter rage. He does know how to smile and be nice.
BUT HE ISN'T ALWAYS "Oh, why thank you friend. This means a lot to me."
No, no, no.
Also, people apparently forget that he has a quirk.
HE TALKS IN ALL CAPS, HAS PROPER GRAMMAR, PROPER SPELLING, AND PROPER PUNCTUATION. PLEASE LEARN IT.
Another big thing is that KARKAT DOES NOT CURSE EVERY OTHER WORD.
He can go a damn sentence without saying FUCK seven times.
"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? STRIDER, I DIDN'T ASK FOR A CALCIUM-BASED NOOKSTAIN LIKE YOU TO RUIN MY DAY, NOW DID I?"
Now there is something Karkat would say.
"WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS FUCKING GOING ON IN THIS FUCKING FUCK-STAINED FUCKERY?"
No. No one talks like that. Not even Karkat.
No.
Lastly;
Karkat. Doesn't. Hate. Every. Living. Being. On. The. Face. Of. The. Planet.
Really, though.
He can hold civilized conversations. He can help people. He can be NICE.
HE'S NOT SOME GODAWFUL SATAN-LOVER, DEAR GOD.

DON'T RP KARKAT IF YOU CANNOT MANAGE THIS.
THANK YOU.



there are more but i already wish i was dead after reading these
i want to fling myself off a building thank you and goodnight

[Astro]

This thread is pure art

[Debbie Does Dallas]

i used to talk to my reviewers using the authors notes on FF.net 8 years ago.....

tbh i'm not seeing much of a change in personality between my online persona's and it is distressing lmao