(NSFWE) basically a support group omg (cw: sexism, consent)

[davedudie]

Ok so this may be sort of dark/controversial but its been on my mind since i got back out into the real world for studies.
disclaimer that ive been hanging around msparp more than cherub bc i dont have much time for polished replies lately but its probably real prevalent on cherub too.

as a female ive steadily been getting more and more uncomfortable in smut rps, and ive deduced the reason is because there is a ton of sexism im starting to recognise. sometimes its subtle, implied, nuanced, sometimes its obvious, most of the time whatever stranger im rping with doesn't even know theyre doing it.

the porn industry is basically built on sexism, and so the phrases and language that a lot of rpers use might be influenced by that? not even a rp site filled w nerds is safe from the patriarchys evil clutches.

ANYWAY i just wanted to make a space for people to post stories of subtle or not-so-subtle sexist writing/remarks during rp, as either a vent or advice place so others wont feel alone or unreasonable when they get uncomfortable and are reluctant to continue the rp. even if youre confused as to WHY you felt uncomfortable, if you have a feeling that it was bc of gender we can talk it out and help you feel more confident coming out of it!

no kinkshaming or complaints bout the "sausagefest"! this is not for the drama. this is just a discussion for the reassurance that you dont have to ignore something or write it off as dumb when it upsets u.

of course dont point fingers!! no names!! just examples and try to be fair. dont be scared to say it either! chances are someone understands or feels the same.

ill start us off w some examples in the next post maybe.

[davedudie]

ok so m/f rps in which the male character's penis size is mentioned without prompt. of course it could be useful if ur into that, but mostly feels like its inferred that my character will do something to make that size obvious; ie worshipping it ic, commenting on it ic, having to insert it somewhere. this makes me uncomfortable bc theres now an expectation, it shifts the rp into male-gaze territory, and if the size is big its a show of power. unless im deliberately searching for it, i dont care bout the size

once my female character was asked to dom a male character which was cool w me! but in the rp their character acted surprised that the lady was taking control, making condescending comments about it (like "i guess you ARE in control then!" all that was missing was the lil pat on the head.). where was the respect, dang. im not sure what i couldve done to fix it, kind of too unnerved to continue it.

of course these are just my personal thoughts!! i hope these make sense and kick off the discussion.

[Dave Strider]

Even while being dfab, being male myself I... Am so guilty of sexism in my smut prompts and I realize that holy shit. It never hit me before, and I don't want to give examples because I'm a bit ashamed honestly. I think I never realized that my own sexism could hurt or make my partner uncomfortable?

Hell, I'll give an example anyway. I sometimes pick m/f smut prompts and play Feferi and... Most of the time a lot of her personality is lost to the whole "I'm a girl! Let me be a sex object for you" thing THAT IS SO FUCKED UP AND I NEED TO STOP.

Thank you for opening my eyes on that subject, I needed it.

[davedudie]

OMIGOSH NAH its such an easy trap to fall into because theres just so much of it in the media and everything. like i learned how to rp smut by reading everyone elses stuff, and so id pick up a lot of that in my own writing too i guess!! (then i stuck to good fanfic and it got a lil better ahah)

but objectification is a kink that people enjoy so its not actually bad if everyone involved is into it! it is roleplay after all.
BUT YEAH being aware is coolio ty for sharing omg i feel like im holding a roleplayers anonymous /clasps my hands together

[Dave Strider]

Just because it's a popular kink doesn't make it any less messed up tho!!

*points to thread titled "(NSFW) (TW: slurs and transphobia)"*

If I get mad about the stuff that I'm involved in, but not about the stuff I feel less concerned by, it's a but hypocritical, no?

Either way from now on I'll be waaaaaaay more critical of my rps as female characters.

[Peridot]

I'm sure my lack of treating female characters like sex objects as GHB is part of the reason I get called OOC
Because my gray-ace GHB needs to be fucking every pair of tits with no consent and no regard for the person, else it's completely out of character.

[davedudie]

Apr 23, 2016 10:14:36 GMT Dave Strider said:

Just because it's a popular kink doesn't make it any less messed up tho!!

*points to thread titled "(NSFW) (TW: slurs and transphobia)"*

ooomg ye i finally read through that and totally agree. is it bad forum etiquette if i talk about in here isntead of in there i still dunno how to forum

Apr 23, 2016 10:22:15 GMT Peridot said:

I'm sure my lack of treating female characters like sex objects as GHB is part of the reason I get called OOC
Because my gray-ace GHB needs to be fucking every pair of tits with no consent and no regard for the person, else it's completely out of character.

UGH THATS absolutely gross i hate that so much. violating women ≠ power jfc theres so much more!! to do!! that doesnt have to involve that at all!!

[astrivid]

I hardcore ship DualFef but the people who do are often a little...gross. I often have to list off a giant list of: No objectification, bimboism, so on and so on and I end up losing a lot of Dualscars who essentially want a sex doll.

I play Feferi as a hardworking young woman who just needs a break in those rps, but no she has to be a dumb blonde girl who wants nothing more than someones crotch.

That's why I tend to avoid Feferi prompts like the plague, because you're more or less getting a fleshlight rather than Feferi y'know?

[terepy]

ive had so many smut rps ive just cut off and ended because i feel incredibly uncomfortable with how people are going about it honestly

like a lot of that sort of objectification stuff just slips into my rps even though i dont want it? i have so many nsfw prompts that are meant to be about buildup and the scenario itself but so many people just immediately want to go at my character and act like all of their backstory/thoughts dont matter because after all shes a girl here to fuck right? though i dont know if thats really sexism or just people trying to rush into the smut in the most uncomfortable way possible

what is DEFINITELY sexism that happens surprisingly often is how people want to change my characters body type. ive posted before on here that i play terezi as eerie looking and sort of creepy, but shes still a total cutie imo. though ive gotten way too many partners who try to slap some bigger boobs or hips on her because for some reason trying to smut without having these things is apparently a huge crime? ive even got people who just ask if thats REALLY how i play her and if id be willing to change my headcanon terezi? its always struck me as incredibly creepy

as for what i do im SURE i have plenty of unintentional sexism thats just sort of in some of my prompts (the nsfw ones expecially) but i havent been introspective enough to look into them and havent gotten any complaints i really hope people will point it out if i do something that is creepy or wrong because id really like to avoid it becoming a problem

[hanka]

i hang out in sfw but i've gotten comments re: my damara about why she's not more forward. like, buddy, first off, it's in sfw, and if you mean to tell me she would pull the same obscene shit in plain english when people could understand her and hold her accountable for being a foul little gremlin, instead of dicking around in troll google translate japanese for funsies... then get a different dam? like.

my vriska is a giant amazon lady that could uppercut anyone into low orbit and i've had a couple nasty little five-foot-something eridans ask me if she can be shorter than them, because hetero. i've had much less to deal with with my rose, but that could be because the rps i happen to have going with her are all with friends. who knows.

i play 99% girls so i've got lots of little anecdotes. i'm not sure they're actual legit serious sexism, but w/e.

[Chairubplay]

I've had people connect to my Homestuck lady prompts and call me "little miss" OOC, it was extraordinarily creepy and had I actually been a woman, I would've felt nauseous. Aside from that, I've had numerous alpha male types try and coax my character into hanging off their every word and make them feel important, because obviously if you play a lady you need to stroke the ego of every guy that comes within spitting distance, right?

[astrivid]

Apr 23, 2016 21:27:02 GMT Chairubplay said:

I've had people connect to my Homestuck lady prompts and call me "little miss" OOC, it was extraordinarily creepy and had I actually been a woman, I would've felt nauseous. 

I am mildly guilty of that? I call people 'honey' 'friend' 'sweetheart' but a lot of people take it in a condescending way which I feel terrible about. 

[Chairubplay]

Apr 23, 2016 21:31:34 GMT astrivid said:

Apr 23, 2016 21:27:02 GMT Chairubplay said:

I've had people connect to my Homestuck lady prompts and call me "little miss" OOC, it was extraordinarily creepy and had I actually been a woman, I would've felt nauseous. 

I am mildly guilty of that? I call people 'honey' 'friend' 'sweetheart' but a lot of people take it in a condescending way which I feel terrible about. 

Pet names are all fine and well but when you're both assuming somebody's gender and talking down to them in a weirdly suggestive manner (as it happened in this instance), that's where it crosses the line.

[commandercomplainer]

Apr 23, 2016 20:59:33 GMT terepy said:

what is DEFINITELY sexism that happens surprisingly often is how people want to change my characters body type. ive posted before on here that i play terezi as eerie looking and sort of creepy, but shes still a total cutie imo. though ive gotten way too many partners who try to slap some bigger boobs or hips on her because for some reason trying to smut without having these things is apparently a huge crime? ive even got people who just ask if thats REALLY how i play her and if id be willing to change my headcanon terezi? its always struck me as incredibly creepy

This is why I more or less stopped playing Redglare. I like playing her as a tall, intimidating, skin an bones sorta lady. The number of people who inexplicably auto a huge butt onto her and start describing that shit in almost poetic detail is completely ridiculous and unsettling.

Honestly playing female ancestors in general is a grab bag of gross shit.

[davedudie]

Apr 23, 2016 18:00:48 GMT astrivid said:

I play Feferi as a hardworking young woman who just needs a break in those rps, but no she has to be a dumb blonde girl who wants nothing more than someones crotch.

That's why I tend to avoid Feferi prompts like the plague, because you're more or less getting a fleshlight rather than Feferi y'know?

ugh thiss when im trying to rp roxy omfg. im only just starting to play her so im already struggling a lil to get a grasp on her character (practice makes perfect ye) and then these douches come along and undermine her character completely anyway. they dont care they just wanna talk about her boobs or her butt. i just want jovial banter holy shit!!

another thing would be when its just a kiss or something and the guy immediately gets a handful of ass. maybe its just me but i find that incredibly assuming and rude/disrespectful. i mean even playing Sis who you'd assume to be intimidating right?? not one guy is phased. go straight for the prize. if it was Bro theyd be so nervous but its a girl thats a ""slut"" bc she does porn so its ok