it's been 84 years...

[mogseltof]

...since I roleplayed Alpha Bro. I'm trying to get my h/cs back in order for him and honestly? I'm having a fucking ball doing so! Large portions of this are kind of deliberately incomprehensible, I'm just kind of sharing to, idk, what do you think about the man behind the mystery?

beaming in to you live from new york city it is i the twenty first centurys greatest director if not the greatest director of all fucking time seeking a ben stiller to fill the empty void inside my heart yo

the scene: its set imagine this. upper fucking class bar as vip as vip goes the tables come up to below my knees maybe and theyre these black cylinders that rotate. i keep trying to prop my feet on the one in front of me but shit my guy the pygmy horse inside is not taking the damn hint the poor bastard just keeps walking in that same slow circle i honestly have no fucking clue why they even bother my drink keeps circling the fuck around and i cant pick it up in time. not that im drinking it anyway no food or beverage passes this plump pucker in public not a single goddamn morsel i am the enigma king after all wouldnt wanna damage that especially crafted bit of mystique then the whole card palace comes down and youre left in the wreckage with a concussion sword at your throat. the blood thirsty mercenary halts the tip of his sword nicks your jugular and a tiny drop of blood makes its way down your throat slower than the inch worm where it pools in your suprasternal notch. "is this your card" he says deliberately monotone and without looking you know hes holding your goddamn card. basically im in purgatory otherwise known as living hell alias of limbo aka no mans land ie a rock and a hard place under the alluring pseudonym of that rare sport known to man kind as speed dating i cant believe its taken this long for aliens to show up and declare an intention to eradicate our species.

the hook: speed dating fancy drinks too expensive to digest moving tables the vip lounge decorated like theyre fully expecting the zombie of plagiarist past to rock up and rock out on the nearest uncomfortable chair. ben stiller is here. ive been informed by the tiniest most trustworthy of birdies a rousing chorus of thousands tweeting into my third ear third hand second mouth and life long lover. im on the hunt im after him my appetite remains stable and unchanged the doctors will report back on the state of intestinal doki doki once i catch sight of the raven haired beau with the most luscious of lips and the vocal cords tuned by olympian sirens each night the daft bastard isnt returning my calls im running an award winning movie franchise here this shit doesnt make itself though im working on that. warhol was thinking too small thats the problem with artists they dont know how to sell out with style.

the sucker: me dave strider award winning director. im cool im casual the villains of the set wish they had the kind of cucumbers i did. charon gave me the weirdest look when i walked in but i paid her fare and bought a drink and im on the list despite the damning disdain in her gaze but my t shirt remains stone free. despite all appearances its completely new i wear a new one every day each one exactly the same as the one i wore on that days yesterday theres a thriving ebay community for my ditched shirts every now and then i send one to a dedicated fan with a personalised certificate of authenticity i like to see the little people smile even when theyre taller than me or are still trying to figure out who i am. sweet bro shits my signature across the page while geromy wails in despair these people dont know my face my name or my work but boy howdy do they not care when hella jeff gives them that sly wink. my jeans on the other hand are approaching a couple of years id give and replace them but shopping for pre stressed denim kills even my soul just a little and theres not much left to die so i want to spend it wisely. rounding this off i blink coquetteishly at my reflection on the table top myself the only one knowing that i winked let alone my eyelids moods cause of the shades my hair is artfully styled for hours on end each day by the most alluring temptress bedhead im a thirty four c and im just so wet for you baby as long as you dont mind the other half of personals both online and offline i swear the tits were here a minute ago officer honest.

my sections seated for this round i dont know how they worked out the maths but the pythagorean scholar they hired musta hid the arcane runes fucking well cause i dont spot a single one. theres been two women and a guy in the seat across from me and woe is me not a single one asked for my number though i was asked to sign some abs so i threw in a caricature of sweet bro a photo realistic masterpiece in eyeliner on skin id say ive discovered a new medium but i just know that if i whisper it tenderly to the internet a liberal feminist will assemble a callout post full of white women using make up improperly as an artistic sociopolitical statement that doesnt really mean anything outside of their idea of empowerment bra burning was at least straight forward and memorable.

someone sits on the stool in front of me show time motherfucker has senpai come back to me i wring my hands deep in my soul and glance up to meet my rom com maker this is why tinder is popular people what the fuck guys.

also what are your alpha bro headcanons?

[mogseltof]

this is part of a response I got earlier and it is truly one of the greatest things to have ever happen on one of my prompts

[Debbie Does Dallas]

Apr 29, 2016 16:43:30 GMT mogseltof said:

this is part of a response I got earlier and it is truly one of the greatest things to have ever happen on one of my prompts

S T OP I LA UGHED SO HARD THAT IM WHEEZING I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

i was trying to picture what you meant by "Karkat rping Ben Stiller" but this is so much better than what i had imagined 

[thenaegiriguy]

Oh my god that's genius.
I'm kind of tempted to have John roleplay someone. I'd probably be safe going with Nic Cage, but i dunno i feel like i could be a bit more creative than that. Maybe Bill Murray, Harold Ramis, or Dan Aykroyd. Get some O.G. Ghostbusters action in there.

[mogseltof]

Apr 29, 2016 18:36:13 GMT thenaegiriguy said:

Oh my god that's genius.
I'm kind of tempted to have John roleplay someone. I'd probably be safe going with Nic Cage, but i dunno i feel like i could be a bit more creative than that. Maybe Bill Murray, Harold Ramis, or Dan Aykroyd. Get some O.G. Ghostbusters action in there.

how... how about.. john larping as a ghostbuster oh my god

[Chairubplay]

Help, I'm in a glass case of emotion, I hereby pass the title of Best Alpha Bro Roleplayer to you. Wear it with pride.

[mogseltof]

Apr 29, 2016 19:32:03 GMT Chairubplay said:

Help, I'm in a glass case of emotion, I hereby pass the title of Best Alpha Bro Roleplayer to you. Wear it with pride.

[Chairubplay]

THAT'S SO CUTE, YOU'RE SO CUTE, AGH.

[mogseltof]

I'M NOT CUTE YOUR FACE IS CUTE