Disconnection Discourse

[royalstarsight]

disconnection discourse. everyone's got an opinion. i've got two.
feel free to chime in with yours, or your experiences.

on one hand: to put in effort, whether in discussion or in actual prose, and then just be silenced with two clicks of a button really sucks. and actually IS a jerk thing to do. you wouldn't walk away from someone who was talking to you with no malicious intent, would you? anxiety is a valid counterpoint to make, but so is considering the feelings of the other living, breathing human being on the other side of that screen, and how THEY would feel. something as simple as 'sorry, this isn't going to work out!' would suffice, rather than utter silence. with cherubplay's 24 hour rule (disconnecting on someone will not allow them to re-take the prompt for 24 hours) you don't have to fear so much that they'll reconnect and ruin your good time. if they do, it's not until the following day, and they can only do it once- and people can only be so persistent. telling people you're leaving- even if you don't explain why- is a lot more compassionate to the general public. we're all just lookin' for a nice roleplay.

on the other hand: nobody owes you an explanation for a disconnect, and reconnecting to harass or inquire as to why is a dick move, even if a lot of time has passed. on an anonymous website, where by virtue of registering you are submitting to a culture of zero responsibility, you have to be prepared to get all kinds of bullshit. anonymity breeds every manner and variety of person, from ultra shy to super aggressive, from socially inept to brutally charming. you've gotta be willing to accept that there are pros and cons to anonymous roleplaying websites. the pro is that you don't have to look at your past mistakes, you can move forward without a trail or a trace, and nobody is able to track you down unless you WANT them to. the con is that you WILL be treated with very little humanity by some individuals, and you are NOT owed anything. since you've given up your identity, so has the stranger you're talking to. you can't be traced, they can't be traced, and that can benefit- or hinder- everyone. signing up and participating on cherub is consenting to anonymous interactions and all the good or bad that comes with it.


so what're your thoughts on the disconnect discourse??

[skeppsbrott]

In general my rule of thumb is: have we been exchanging more replies than "hey can I play X" + Starter? In that case, there's already probably a fair bit of emotional investment so giving a warning or talking it out is only polite. Especially in long-term roleplays.

Roleplays that are just starters or pre-rp discussion I rarely have qualms about just ending. On the other hand, I've also asked people if they could add/remove text if I otherwise get good vibes from them.

I guess that after two-and-some years you get a pretty good feel for what replies are worth your time. If I can detect literally no creative effort from you, no sense of direction, that's far worse than any meh-y writing or boring character tropes.

[Chairubplay]

I am quick to disconnect if a roleplay is not what I'm looking for. I have stayed to talk things out, left a parting message and booked it, and disconnected without a word. So far, the first two options haven't served well in my personal experience, so leaving without saying anything has been my method of operation for some time now. If somebody reconnects looking for an explanation, depending upon how they approach it, I will either politely tell them that I would rather not share my reasons or just disconnect again. It's what works for me, personally, as OOC conflict isn't something I'm interested in dealing with.

[mogseltof]

Most of the time I'll weigh up the RP, if an issue's big enough to make me want to immediately disconnect or I'm just not feeling it then I'll d/c with no message. The only time a message gets sent before a d/c is if it's been a long RP that's come to it's natural end and I've enjoyed it, or if I still want to try and salvage the RP but there's an issue I can't get past - say like a minor amount of autoing/god modding or an inconsistency - and usually we manage to sort shit out and keep moving, or the issue isn't solved and I D/C. (Or on one memorable occasion I get called a 'picky bitch' and they d/c.)

[Dave Strider]

I'm personally such a nervous wreck that I'm afraid that if I say anything and don't disconnect immediately, my partner will come out of my monitor and break my neck.

So I just disconnect without a single word, no matter how far we are into a rp.

[skeppsbrott]

Apr 20, 2016 11:16:13 GMT Chairubplay said:

I will either politely tell them that I would rather not share my reasons or just disconnect again.

Out of curiosity, what are your usual reasons for D/C-ing?

[Fate]

ill be honest, i hate d/c because i hate ending stuff so i'm usually the one that gets d/c and i cry over it. whatever.

mainly, i d/c when the person is a real Asshat and i just cannot deal with them anymore. and i may or may not give a little rant depending on how done i am with them. or if im not into a chat at all anymore and i just do it without a word. i tend to feel guilty about it.

[royalstarsight]

thanks for the interesting responses!

in the past year or so i've found myself getting d/c'd on way more frequently than ever, and mostly without a single word, no matter how the discussion or lack thereof has gone. i've been ditched in the middle of lengthy, character-developed roleplays, i've been ditched in the first 5 seemingly pleasant ooc exchanges, i've been ditched after kind ooc chatter and then my response to their original prompt, i've been ditched after kind ooc chatter and then two or three posts- the list goes on. but i have never gotten an explanation, ever.

i realize that most people don't have a positive experience with trying to talk things out or explain themselves before a d/c, but man, have i ever been left wondering. in one occasion, i did connect several times to the same individual trying different characters or writing styles- not out of malice but simply because i genuinely didn't know if it was the character i chose to play or how i wrote or what- and at no point in any of the 3 different d/cs did the person explain their decision.

i recall a long, long time ago that i actually finally said something, and told this person that i had connected in the past and didn't understand why. i made it very clear that i did not expect them to stick around, or give me an explanation, but that i was going to try (yet again) to appease them. they seemed happy to receive the attempt. after posting my response to their prompt, they left without a word, and though i still see them around sometimes with the same manner of prompts, i do not connect. unfortunately to this day it's like a Super Mystery and i'm frustrated that i'll never get a resolution.

side note: i also personally think that there may not be quite so many of those rude people that call names or act like total asshats who actually check the tumblr tag. 

[cherubplate]

Okay, my usual DC reasoning is:
-It isn't personal, you're probably good and I've just lost my own motivation for this (which I will drop a message for)
-Or it wasn't long enough when you first responded, which I know shouldn't matter but damn it burns my eyes to read two paragraphs v. my 12 (will inform that I hope they find someone who works better with their length)
-Your characterization/grammar/canonical knowledge/godmodding sucks (will tell "basically sorry no this isn't what I want")
-Or the misc. "I think my eyes are bleeding," "you connected not to reply but to be a huge ass again," and other assorted hell (which I won't message and will just delete)

I also delete basically every ended chat if I don't have a good reason to keep it, no matter how much it hurts to get rid of, because I'm a digital neat freak. I hate DCing, because I know what it's like to get DCed on. When I first started RPing, and even sometimes nowadays, I get DCed on without rhyme or reason seemingly, so it can be kinda crushing, which is why I like to send a response as to why I DCed and get the fuck out. Also, I used to RP on Tumblr back when that was a cool thing, so I never had the option to DC and could find the same people all over again, so I get into this community kind of mentality that doesn't work well with anonymous roleplaying sites. I just tend to see the people on the other side of the screen as personally as I do a little too often, I guess.

[cherubplate]

Apr 21, 2016 0:46:35 GMT royalstarsight said:

thanks for the interesting responses!

in the past year or so i've found myself getting d/c'd on way more frequently than ever, and mostly without a single word, no matter how the discussion or lack thereof has gone. i've been ditched in the middle of lengthy, character-developed roleplays, i've been ditched in the first 5 seemingly pleasant ooc exchanges, i've been ditched after kind ooc chatter and then my response to their original prompt, i've been ditched after kind ooc chatter and then two or three posts- the list goes on. but i have never gotten an explanation, ever.

i realize that most people don't have a positive experience with trying to talk things out or explain themselves before a d/c, but man, have i ever been left wondering. in one occasion, i did connect several times to the same individual trying different characters or writing styles- not out of malice but simply because i genuinely didn't know if it was the character i chose to play or how i wrote or what- and at no point in any of the 3 different d/cs did the person explain their decision.

i recall a long, long time ago that i actually finally said something, and told this person that i had connected in the past and didn't understand why. i made it very clear that i did not expect them to stick around, or give me an explanation, but that i was going to try (yet again) to appease them. they seemed happy to receive the attempt. after posting my response to their prompt, they left without a word, and though i still see them around sometimes with the same manner of prompts, i do not connect. unfortunately to this day it's like a Super Mystery and i'm frustrated that i'll never get a resolution.

side note: i also personally think that there may not be quite so many of those rude people that call names or act like total asshats who actually check the tumblr tag. 

I've had that happen to me pretty often, but I've never reconnected even when I was sure that someone's prompt was the same one as the person who DC'ed on me. I guess it's just my Typical Low Self Esteem, but... I hate being DCed on and reconnecting to the person in question just makes it hurt all over again. I wish I could know why a lot of them DC'ed, especially after I thought my response was so good. But apparently, they didn't, and that just happens. It hurts not to get a reason, and I get that people who don't connect to other prompts often don't necessarily recall the keen sting of an unexplained DC. Still hurts, though. Not saying they owe us anything. Just saying it would be nice. Plus, who knows? Often, if it's a response or characterization problem, even if they don't continue RPing together, some advice might just do some good. I helped walk a probably 12 year old Sollux RPer through how to properly keep a setting right and add to a response, even though I had no interest in RPing with them and DCed after I helped them. It's things like that that make the RPing community a community.

[royalstarsight]

Apr 21, 2016 1:00:16 GMT cherubplate said:

I've had that happen to me pretty often, but I've never reconnected even when I was sure that someone's prompt was the same one as the person who DC'ed on me. I guess it's just my Typical Low Self Esteem, but... I hate being DCed on and reconnecting to the person in question just makes it hurt all over again. I wish I could know why a lot of them DC'ed, especially after I thought my response was so good. But apparently, they didn't, and that just happens. It hurts not to get a reason, and I get that people who don't connect to other prompts often don't necessarily recall the keen sting of an unexplained DC. Still hurts, though. Not saying they owe us anything. Just saying it would be nice. Plus, who knows? Often, if it's a response or characterization problem, even if they don't continue RPing together, some advice might just do some good. I helped walk a probably 12 year old Sollux RPer through how to properly keep a setting right and add to a response, even though I had no interest in RPing with them and DCed after I helped them. It's things like that that make the RPing community a community.

i think my curiosity and hope supersedes my low self-esteem, and i think you're right; the people who d/c without giving anything probably don't recall the way it feels to be left in the void with nothing to go off of. i can't deny that i'm guilty of occasionally doing exactly what i don't enjoy experiencing myself, though i can count on one hand the number of times i've done a silent d/c, and i feel justified in that.

unfortunately i also think that the people we're most bothered by are the ones least likely to even see these forums or the tag;;;

[Ben Stiller]

honestly, the most common reason i disconnect is because i get hit with a wave of "oh jesus this is all too much i can't handle the responsibility of a chat right now" so i just tell them like, my school, or my home life, or whatever stressor is making me loose my shit, is picking up and beating me around, and then i disconnect before they can bother me again

there's only been one person that ever didnt accept that as a response tbh and i just keep d/cing on them w/o a word because they are So Rude to me in the ooc before we even start /plotting/ shit lmao im not abt that at all

but yeah. i dont usually get bad rp partners, usually theyre either Decent or Cool and i have some that are Fucking Fantastic, and the only reason i really ever dc is spontanious + intense bouts of "oh no This Is Too Much" and im sure thats not that uncommon tbh

[Astro]

I actually rarely disconnect.

If I'm really not happy with the rp i just,,,, leave it there... and ignore it until they get fed up and disconnect on me (I have several chats from a year or so ago because of this. When I do disconnect its usually on a fairly new (planning stage) rp where the responder doesn't answer in for a few days and wasnt very promising to begin with so I disconnect without a word.

I don't know why I do this I guess im just scared of confrontation and also like to suffer.